So you were sitting around in your house, right? And then you heard this knock at the door. So you went to get it and there was this old woman at the door and you answered it and she was all “Avon lady calling!” which is weird because you could have sworn they went out of business (you were WRONG Aries!). You just politely went “No, I don’t want any of your products.” And she was all “What?! Is it cuz I’m old and ugly?!” And you were all, “No…I just don’t want your crap.” So she flung her pink outfit aside (s’okay, there were clothes underneath) and said “HAH! Jokes on you. I’m a hot witch!” And you just stared at her and replied, “Okay…that was never the issue but—” And she cut you off saying “YOU NEED TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON TO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR COVERS!” And you said, “I don’t think that’s the expression.” But it was too late. She turned you into a cat. So all that came out was “Meow.” And she stood there gloating over you but you examined yourself and went, “DAMN I’M A CUTE CAT!” (which translates roughly to “mur-ow”) So the now young woman added, “Ah ah ah! Now your servants are furniture.” But then she realized you didn’t have any servants so she amended, “Now your furniture is PEOPLE!!!” Which is the real curse because lamps do not make good people. And this is the Curse of the Last Avon Lady.
You just read Aries’s horoscope and have decided to quit for the day. Once lamps and refrigerators are people, it’s time to turn in.
When you’re at the store today you’re going to start noticing that a lot of people are *No* Wh…what? *No, I’m not going to do that.* I…Gemini, what are you talking about? *I’m not doing what you tell me to do! This shit is messed up.* No, what’s messed up is that you’re arguing with…okay I don’t want to call this the narration but- *Look, why don’t you guys just leave me alone?* We know this is a confusing time Gemini but we can’t just leave you alone. What….why are you walking away? Where are you going?! *OUT!* Okay…we’re sure Gemini will come back. At some point….hmm….
You went over to visit Aries but instead you found a little kitty. And it was cute. It kept trying to herd you into Aries’s house. So you told it “Little kitty, I can’t let you into Aries’s house, silly.” But then the kitty told you “I AM Aries!” (because you speak kitty). So you were really confused and knocked on the door to Aries’s house in an effort to clear up the matter. Then this woman, dressed in a fabric you could have sworn was used on Aries’s dining room chairs, answered the door, told you to have a seat, and put her hands on your butt. What…what is happening?!
You’re not doing photography anymore. You’re deleting and shredding any and all photos and trashing your cameras. Because time traveling photos are a bit more than you can handle. You’ll settle for a nice quiet life as a psychic, thank you!
You have no fucking clue what just happened but it’s over now and everyone’s leaving. They are leaving behind an assorted veggie tray but they’re only leaving behind the celery and radishes. Oh and it would seem they left a bowl of petunias on your front porch. That was….sweet. You take them inside and place them on your kitchen table and when you return Libra is sitting on your kitchen table, naked as a jay bird.
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!!! AND YOU CAN’T BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE YOU NOW ARE AROUND BEES!!!!!
So the first thing you had to do was clean up those pesky souls. Because they were just all over the place. So you broke out the tupperware and began storing them there. Of course they MELTED the tupperware but when they broke through that and fell out into the refrigerator (because you were keeping them in the fridge to keep the light from blinding you) you realized they powered the fridge! You are now completely running your house on human souls. How green of you.
No way man. Fuck your drone! You’re not going looking for it again. It wasn’t worth a trip to Candyland. Weird shit goes on there. You don’t care that the drone was $300! It’s not fucking worth it to go back there. You’ve seen some things, man. And you’ll never be the same. Fuck the drone and fuck Candyland.
Today was a good day. You and your charity did so much. You guys cleaned the dishes, painted a new room, three more benches were delivered, you sacrificed someone, and the carrot crop came in nicely. It’s a lot of hard work, but it’s for the betterment of the community!
You’re tired of lazing about the house so today you’re going to your local community center and signing up for a kickboxing class. It’s an awesome class too where you guys do actual sparring and not just fighting the air. You’re so excited! This is something that’s both totally awesome and also totally normal! It’s not like magic or some shit! This is a legitimate, normal thing people do!
You never thought your ghost pirate skills would come in handy ever again. Boy were you wrong because these kids are shitting themselves and you’re slowly releasing each of your evil babies which is freaking the vigilante kids out even more because your remaining evil babies are going on and on about a terrifying creature dragging their friends away. Aww, they learned so well. Now the question is do you burn down the vigilante kids’ building or blow it up? (No…Pisces, no!)
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