Nothing big will really happen to you today. I mean, you’ll see a butterfly inexplicably trapped in your house and let it out but…that’s about it. Huh. You figure this is just a chill day for everyone. It’s a pretty butterfly though.
You decided to actually go treat yourself during your lunch break by dining at the bistro across the street. You discovered this was a really good decision because you server was flirting with you constantly. It was really making you feel good. Then, as you were sitting there with the sun shining on you and your server flirting with you one last time before you left (and you were pretty sure a phone number exchange was coming up), a butterfly came and landed on your server’s tray which caused the balance to shift. Your server then dropped everything on their tray (a slice of chocolate cake, an egg salad sandwich and THREE FUCKING CUPS OF COFFEE) all over you. Then they proceeded to laugh instead of apologize for staining your clothes and scalding you. Fuck this shit! You picked the cake up off the ground and smashed it into their face and hair before walking away, without paying your bill. They’re just lucky you don’t sue!
The cops, obviously, believed you over New Gemini since NG didn’t even look like the copy of your license they had made. But NG locked themselves in your house and were refusing to come out and then, for some godforsaken reason, threatened to set off a non-existent bomb. Because they have to take these things seriously, the police had to call in the bomb squad. Unfortunately the…law keepers in your town are a little on the incompetent side. So this one guy, who looked like he was 12, had his gun drawn and was ready for a fight. Then a butterfly flew into his face which scared the hell out of him causing him to shoot wildly. Long story short: you got shot in the fucking foot. Suddenly you’re feeling a little shitty for shooting Aquarius in the foot that one time.
You were walking to the pet store to get some pellets for some of your bunnies when you saw a butterfly. It was so pretty and it even sat on your nose for a moment (that was tickly). But then it flew into the road and a car was heading toward it. You were upset but you knew it would happen so you just stood there (you probably would have leapt in front of the car for a bird or mammal or reptile or amphibian but….less likely for an insect). The driver of the car had been looking down (ILLEGALLY TEXTING!!!) and when they looked up they saw the butterfly, thought it was a rock going through their windshield, and then swerved. Swerved right onto the sidewalk…where you were standing. You now have a broken collarbone. Fucking texting driver! You’re glad the butterfly lived though.
So you were at the library by the open window which was a big thing for you. Because the people at the library get really tired of your loud dramatics so they usually turned you away. But they were giving you a chance today. You were reading something very interesting when a butterfly flew in the window. It was so pretty and elegant, the way it floated through the air. It landed on your hand and you were just in awe so you put your face as close to it as possible and it flitted over to you nose which….was so fucking cute. You were trying to turn your phone on so you could take a picture and when you did it made a really loud noise for the start up and, before you could turn it on mute, a bunch of facebook, text message, skype and missed phone call notifications sounded. They instantly threw you out of the library. With the butterfly on your face. Then that little fucker flew off. *Sigh* Life is hard.
You aren’t usually a spiritual person but when you couldn’t find anyone who’d heard from Libra you looked to the sky and asked for a sign. Just then a butterfly landed on a nearby rock and seemed to look at you. No…it seemed to nod at you. Then it just flitted away. Oh shit. LIBRA’S DEAD!!!!!!
You were sitting on the diving board of the cement bowl which, if it had water in it, could almost pass for the motel swimming pool. You were thinking about how you hate that you currently live in a place where people bring their cheap hookers. Then a butterfly came and landed near you. So you talked to the butterfly about your situation, your life, the shit you put up with. And the butterfly seemed to listen even though you know it wasn’t. Still, when the butterfly flew away you felt some of the tension lift. Of course…then you heard gun shots from a drug deal gone wrong and that brought some of the tension back. But still.
You were cleaning your house up and, at that moment, were at the windows when a butterfly came flying toward you. You turned the bottle of windex toward it and said, “If you land on this freshly cleaned window you’ll die!” So the little guy quickly flitted away. Damn straight. You don’t need pollen and shit on your windows.
Capricorn set you up in the front yard because they thought you could do with some fresh air (such a sweetie), Everything was going well until a butterfly came up and landed on your forehead which was….unbelievably itchy! And there was nothing you could do about it! So you shrieked and called for Capricorn…and then all hell broke loose.
You put Sag out in the yard so they could get some air. No. That’s not true. You put them out there so you wouldn’t have to LISTEN TO THEM!!! Then you started feeling a little bad for locking yourself in your bathroom in a hot bath with loud music playing and a book in your hand. So you grabbed a towel and went to get dressed to bring them back in. Then you heard your name being called. No, screamed. OH SHIT SAG WAS IN TROUBLE! So you ran out in your towel with a baseball bat in hand to beat whatever it was that was making Sag scream (because it would be your fault if something happened. They were helpless and relying on you!!!). You got out there and saw there was something on Sag and, before you could recognize that it was a fucking butterfly, you began swinging the bat wildly!!! And you screamed “I’LL PROTECT YOU SAG!!!!” Then you realized what you were fighting and that in the process you’d broken a sprinkler head, your mailbox, your birdbath and a lawn gnome you didn’t even know you had. Then you also realized your towel had fallen off.
It took a bit of advertising but soon enough you had a customer! You were so excited you didn’t even care that they were looking for ingredients for a love spell (you know, the magical fucking date rape which you abhor). It was grating on your nerves but you were excited to sell things! So you got them the canary feathers and things then they said that they had a living butterfly for the spell which would make it super effective. Then they showed you the beautiful butterfly they had in a jar. It looked so sad. You couldn’t stand it. You grabbed the jar, ran outside and released the butterfly before throwing the customer out on their ass. You now have a sign in your window that says “SAY NO TO LOVE SPELLS!”
You were looking to escape from your cage when a butterfly flew in. Which…was weird because there is no way a butterfly could just fly into your underground area. But then it got really weird when the butterfly began picking the lock on your cage. You’re pretty sure butterflies shouldn’t be able to do that. Like….89% certain! But still it did and then landed on your shoulder. And you were pretty sure it told you to “RUN IDIOT!” so…you umm….you did. You feel you must obey the butterfly…
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