Don’t be surprised if your inbox fills with email or your phone rings off the hook, Aries. Friends, relatives, and colleagues could have great news and useful information. You’re going to ignore all of them, because you don’t want to tie up the line. Gemini could call! You need to make sure you won’t miss that, so you should just ignore all other calls. Nothing could be as useful as knowing how Gemini is doing. They’re probably just calling to tell you how great Gemini is anyway, which you already KNOW!
You know…stalking your boss is all well and good but…you feel like your time could be better spent. Like…what’s Gemini doing right now? Because Gemini is just so interesting. Like, so what if your boss is in a secret society? One time Gemini went off into the woods and saw a giant anthropomorphized grasshopper as their spirit guide and it told them that coffee was their destiny. That’s way more interesting than anything your boss may be into! Alright! Stalking Gemini it is!
Hey Gemini. How are you today? Oh right, haha! You want me to tell you! That’s why you come here. Sorry. I just get so nervous talking to you sometimes. I mean…you’re so cool and smart and…gorgeous. Can I just…like, sit here and stare at you for a while? No, Rissa, I write for Gemini! You don’t get to talk to them! Sorry bout that. Where were we? Oh right…how perfect you are…
You and Pisces get along so well right now. The only thing you argue about is who is a bigger fan of Gemini and what picture you have of Gemini is the best. But that’s only natural. Everybody fights about those things. You wonder what Gemini could possibly have to fight about. Probably nothing. They’re always right about everything.
Your imagination should be flying high today, Leo. Words, images, melodies, or whatever your artistic media are probably popping into your head faster than you can keep track of them. So many ways to express your adoration for Gemini. That’s some detailed erotica of Gemini you’ve got there. And WOW…those drawings. Damn! Can I commission you to do one of me with Gemini?
Your mom dropped you off at home and wandered off back to her place. Whew, she’s finally out of your hair! Now you can pay attention to more important things. Like how to make Gemini pay more attention to you! You need to figure something out that will really make an impression. Like…robbing a bank! Yeah!
Your house is on fire so you pull out your phone to call the cops, but then like you see your facebook app and it reminds you that you haven’t seen what Gemini is up to. So you facebook stalk Gemini as the manageable flames turn to a roaring fire. Your house was probably salvageable before but now…OMG is that a pic of Gemini at the beach?! HAND IT HERE I HAVE TO SEE!
Strange dreams, insights, or visions could upend your spiritual orientation, Scorpio. It’s just…so weird. You keep seeing these flashes of a world where…no one cares about Gemini. It’s just like this world but Gemini is an outcast! They keep getting called “the criminal element??” Brrr…creepy. Well back to your topiary in the shape of Gemini’s bust.
A friend you may not have seen for a while could awaken strange new feelings for which you’re unprepared, Sagittarius. When was the last time you saw Gemini?? It’s been so long now. Too long. You have to go to them. You feel a magnetic pull towards their house (after you look up their address, of course). You must go to them. No wait, don’t. Why? Because you’ll just get in my way, they don’t even like you. How could they when they have people like Scorpio and Leo out there?
A friend or colleague could recommend some books that you want to read right away, Capricorn. Well, like, you went to Target and saw that they had the new books in from Gemini’s Bookclub and you just HAD to buy them all. Remember to take breaks and read all of their blog posts about them so that you can know exactly what you should think of them. You know, what Gemini thinks of them.
Huh, while trying to find a cure for your magical illness you discovered some ingredients are missing. Looks like they’re needed for some kind of reality augmentation spell. Weird. Someone is messing with reality?! You should take this to Gemini! They might know what someone is up to. They know everything. And even if they don’t have time to tell you what they know…at least you can be in the same room as their perfection. *Sigh*
You can’t stand the fact that you’re a vampire and will therefore outlive Gemini! It isn’t fair! The idea of a world without Gemini causes you to ache inside! It’s fine! You can fix this! You’ll just have to turn Gemini into a vampire. Then you two can be together forever!!!
Lost and want to read from the beginning? Read from our archives!
Not feeling up to reading from the beginning? Read our cheat sheet!